There was a moment when my husband (MB) and I looked at each other. He sighed and said, I know you are going to choose DBS surgery. And I looked at him and said yes. Very quietly with a giant deep breath.
I knew brain surgery was speeding towards me. But despite my personality of risk taking and adventuring, I wasn’t a huge fan of drilling extra holes in my skull and learning to live as a cyborg. Just by thinking too long about it, I could trigger a stress migraine.
I found myself bringing back bad habits of self isolation to deal with this extreme stress. Which, unsurprisingly, was wildly useless. And so like any PM worth their salt, I made a plan. It consisted of one-part insane goal of a race across volcanos (Azores Blue Island 42+km / 2000+ m vert), one part mountain bender adventures and final part broadcasting I would say yes to any ridiculous / crazy / random experience.
Part 1- Training for the Azores gave me focus. It disciplined my mind, reminded me of my strength and was a guaranteed way to land in surgery exhausted and ready for some recovery days. I shared many a long training run with my crazy friend Janine the Machine(Janine Canham) (who I swear defies gravity in climbing hills). The shared suffering soothed my worries. When I crossed the finish line, in monsoon weather, and gave MB a giant, stinky, moist hug while simultaneously reaching for snacks, I knew I was mentally ready.
Part 2 – Mountain benders was a mix of trail running, via ferrata and skiing. New places, new trails, new memories. A few weeks before my surgery, we did Pinut, introducing Bryan (Bryan Vodicka) to the epic alpine views and a new extreme sport. Caroline (Caroline Snow) was a nonstop stream of hysterical observations and pondering that carried us through the uphill hikes (I am forever in awe of her ability to speak with wit on these hills while I am gasping like a fish out of water). We had family hikes and awkward family photos. My months before surgery are full of the happiest memories.
My loved ones carried me through with so much laughter. When I entered anesthesia on the day of my surgery, I was happily exhausted, and felt so connected to my people. Bruised, tired, past my prime in foot modeling (IYKYK), I was mentally ready for the hardest ultra of my life – brain surgery. When they asked me what music to listen to as I went under, I chose Bad Bunny. He is one of my faves for trails, which meant for some moments, I was in another dance party with the highly skilled anesthesia team.
My deepest thanks and gratitude to everyone who has showered me with love, laughter and memories. I will remember your kindness always.