When I shared my dystonia diagnosis with my long-time mentor and dear friend Philip P. Breitfeld, MD, he said, ‘well, now you have a way to quickly tell if someone is a kind person.’ Phil, as usual, was right. My mentor is the type of person that I will forever aspire to be. He is heart forward, humble with humor, and listens with an intensity and interest that is almost otherworldly. Being around him is like an oasis in a desert strewn with people blindly going through the motions.
Phil then went on to remind me of one of my favorites, Brené Brown and the ‘Power of Vulnerability’. The first time I listened to her TedTalk, it was like my inner washing machine was in a spin cycle of awe, raw emotion and inspiration. I was blown away by the idea of leading authentically and with honesty. As anyone who has spent about four seconds with me will tell you, I am like a perpetually in motion rainbow of honest, odd, intense, nerdy authenticity. Early in my career, I was often given feedback about executive presence, which when summed up could be translated as – ‘be a white dude named Dave’. No offense intended to ‘white dudes named Dave’ because when they aren’t trying to be a caricature of ‘white dude named Dave’, and unleash their fierce authenticity, they are amazing people to collaborate with.
Phil and I talked about the raw vulnerability of a visible disability. In classic Phil fashion, he listened and heard what my heart was saying. It was like he felt my fear of being underestimated or marginalized because I had dystonia. Then there was the deep breath. I know after all these years when he takes a deep breath, it’s going to be life changing advice. He told me about his experience of sharing vulnerability as a leader and that it changed the dynamic with his team and colleagues. It was like a permission slip for everyone to be real and created closeness and trust. Fast forward and, as usual, Phil was right. As I opened up about my dystonia, it was like I was living in an embodiment to the Sanskrit word Namaste (I bow to the light in you) – where connections to others were natural and true.
I will acknowledge there have been the rare people who lack humanity. I choose not to waste my energy there. Their lack of soul is immediately obvious (Phil really is always right!) and I move on. My energy goes to authentic connections and celebrating the beauty and success in the intense, fierce, real, quirky, curious, silly, humble people who are focused every day on making the world a better place. These are my people, a true oasis in our world.